Beware the Purple Spotted Mushrooms!
by Pareathe
Summary: Five years after Buu's defeat, the Z gang returns for a reunion at Kami House. Then again, noone expected the sexcapades which ensue. Needless to say, this is why the crew doesn't get together too often.


**Beware the Purple-Spotted Mushrooms!**

**By Pareathe, (c)September 2002**

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A/N: In the spirit of my slow but steady return, I decided to put this fic back up here. It never got much attention, (thankfully since it's a bit rough around the edges), but it's a cute little odd-couple diddy nonetheless. If you read it before, it's exactly the same; no revisions this time. If you haven't, I hope you enjoy my ridiculous romp on the bizarre side. And please, please forgive the fangirl Japanese. I swear to you, I didn't know any better at the time.

_Warnings: Adult Language, Multiple Odd-Couples, Strong Sexual Situations_

_Disclaimer: Roses are red, candy is great, you know they're not mine, so give me a break.

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It was that time again.

Master Roshi gave his normal hentai grin as he took a swig of burgundy liquid from a large bottle after completing his part of the preparations. He couldn't help but look forward to seeing the group again, after all, it had been five years. For five years, the world had known peace. The old man couldn't help but wonder if anyone had changed during the time that had gone so long without incident. Until that time, there had been scant few periods when the senshi were not either battling to protect the planet, or were in preparation for an upcoming menace that would spin Chikyuu on its axis. It seemed since evil Buu had been destroyed, all of the possible tyrants in the universe had turned tail and run from the superpowers that resided on the now peaceful planet.Ah well, just gives me the excuse to have a party! His alcohol-enthused grin spread a little wider. And with a little luck, this one will be one to remember!The old man gave one more giddy giggle at the thought of his handiwork before heading to the backyard to begin the enormous task of grilling one hundred porterhouse steaks.

"Oooh!" Bra cried out, getting Marron's attention and pointing with a pudgy finger. "Look at these, they're so pretty!"

Marron followed the sound of the little one's voice behind Kami House. "Oh yeah, they are pretty," Marron agreed with a grin, taking one of the small, patterned mushrooms between her fingers. "Master Roshi says that these are very special and that if you eat them, they make you really, really happy."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he told me never to eat them because I'm happy already. Children don't need them. Only grown-ups."

Bra's childish features twisted in concentration. "Otousan should eat some, then," Bra decided. "And 'kaasan, too."

"Yeah, my parents should have some, too."

"Hey!" Bra jumped up, excitement written all over her chubby countenance. "If we gave these to all the grown-ups, then maybe they wouldn't fight all the time!"

Marron seemed to consider the idea for a minute before breaking into her own excited smile. "Yeah! Let's pick some and bring them to the kitchen!"

-

All of the guests had arrived, and the women had immediately busied themselves in the kitchen making inhuman quantities of food to go with the steaks that were being grilled outside.

"So, how is everything at home since Goku's been back?" Bulma asked from her perch mixing drinks.

Chichi smiled over the cutting board. "It's wonderful. He actually stays home!" she exclaimed gleefully. "And now that Gohan and Videl are married and living next door, it's even better because he always has someone to spar with if he wants... well, when Gohan's not working, anyway."

"Yeah, and when Gohan can't, he's sparring with Vegeta," Bulma put in. "I swear, you'd think they were still training for those damned androids!"

"Yeah, but you won't hear me complain," Chichi stated simply. "At least he comes home at night now..."

Bulma couldn't keep the sly grin off of her face. "Yeah, which I'm sure brings us to the biggest benefit of your husband being home these days..." She allowed the implication to hang in the air, throwing a wink in the direction of the stove where Juuhachi leaned.

Chichi sighed. "I wish," the woman mumbled as if to herself.

Bulma and Juuhachi both threw a glance at each other before Bulma put a hand on her hip. "You don't sound too enthusiastic, Chichi. Don't tell me you think Goku's not good in bed!"

Chichi's face turned a shade of red that rivaled the tomato she was in the process of dicing. She threw a glare at Bulma, who simply smirked, no doubt one she learned from her own Saiyajin mate. "It's not that he's bad. He's just..."

"Boring?" Juuhachi supplied dryly.

"Kami, yes!" Chichi cried out emphatically, earning her several surprised looks from her friends.

Videl popped her head around the corner. "Yes, what?"

"Goku's a bore in bed," Juuhachi recapped indifferently.

"Oh... OH!" Videl's eyes widened considerably. "Really? I mean, considering how passionate of a fighter he is, I thought he'd be a great lover..."

Chichi threw her daughter-in-law a half shocked, half scathing look while Bulma giggled insanely. Even Juuhachi couldn't keep an amused smirk off of her thin features at the comment.

"Sorry!" she corrected quickly, throwing a hand over her face. "I can't believe I just said that! It's none of my business..."

Bulma quirked an eyebrow as her laughter tapered off. "Honey, it's everybody's business within the walls of a kitchen. Besides, I'm a little surprised to hear that myself."

The knife clattered against the counter. Chichi spun on the other women, eyeing each of them heatedly. "Kami, does every woman I know fantasize about what my husband is like in bed?"

"Not anymore," Juuhachi mumbled under her breath. When the irate woman's gaze landed on her, she shrugged. "Don't feel bad. It's not like Krillin's the world's most inventive man, either. I actually asked him a few days ago if he realized I do have an upper body."

Videl shrugged. "I imagine he's kinda limited in what he can do, considering he only reaches your waistline..."

Juuhachi huffed. "That's no excuse. He can reach my breasts if he really stretches himself out."

Bulma couldn't help but smile proudly. "Well ladies, I'd love to say that I can sympathize, but... I can't. Vegeta's an animal when we have sex." Three pairs of eyes screamed "Details!" and Bulma was only too happy to oblige. "Are you kidding? He's a walking Karma Sutra reference guide! Bottom, top, sideways, on the floor, on the ceiling..."

"The ceiling!" Chichi cried out even as Juuhachi raised an eyebrow. "I don't know if I'd like that..."

"It's great!" Bulma promised, bright blue eyes glittering. "It's amazing to feel the cool surface against your back..."

"It's even better if it's that textured stuff," Videl added, causing Chichi to choke and Bulma to gape.

Bulma cracked up. "Wow! Who would have thought Gohan the scholar would be into sex on the ceiling..." she mused.

Videl blushed slightly, but her smile gave away the subtle enjoyment she was taking from this. "Oh yeah, sex with Gohan is great! He comes up with some really interesting stuff."

"How do you know if he's great or not?" Juuhachi asked incredulously. "Wasn't Gohan your first?"

"Of course he was!" Videl cried. "But it doesn't take a genius to know when he's doing something right, ya know?"

Bulma nodded enthusiastically. "I totally agree. I mean, when I made love to a guy the first time, he and I were both completely inexperienced, but he caught on really quick." The aqua-haired beauty's cheeks grew rosy as her eyes seemed to glaze over. "The only other man I've ever been with that compares is Vegeta."

"Just how broad is that comparison, Bulma?" Chichi asked condemningly.

Bulma snapped back to the present. "Not THAT many!"

Juuhachi crossed her arms over her chest and huffed loudly. "Well, Krillin is the only man I've ever been with, and he sucks. If it wasn't such a pain in the ass to try and cover it up, I'd probably just say to hell with it and have an affair."

Every mouth in the room fell open at the blatant admission. Chichi was the first to recover. "You- you wouldn't!"

"Why not?"

"Well... because... because...," Chichi fumbled, "because you just CAN'T!"

Bulma shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, if you're not getting what you need from your husband..." She let the sentence hang for effect.

"You mean to tell me that you think it would be okay for me to cheat on Goku?"

Bulma shrugged. "I still don't believe YOU need to, but in Juuhachi's case..."

Chichi looked like she was about to explode, and Videl coughed loudly to prevent the oncoming tirade. "Oh, I wouldn't do that, either! I mean, sure, Krillin's not a Saiyajin, but he could still easily kill any man Juuhachi fooled around with. It's not worth the risk."

Juuhachi nodded negligibly in agreement while Bulma shrugged it off.

"You know, Bulma, you think Goku is perfect, but when it comes to sex, he's anything but," Chichi put in coldly as she grabbed the small basket of strangely-colored mushrooms that had mysteriously appeared on the corner of the counter and began slicing, missing the exaggerated roll of Bulma's sapphire eyes.

-

"Man, Goku, it's just not fair," Krillin whined after taking a sip of his beer. "How in the hell do you and Vegeta manage to keep looking exactly the same every time I see you?"

Goku gave a light-hearted chuckle. "I dunno..." He leaned back from the circle he was standing in to regard the lone figure leaning against the building a few feet away. "Hey 'Geta, why don't we look any older?"

"Baka," Vegeta cursed under his breath before taking a deep breath. "We're Saiyajin. We have longer life spans than the weaklings on this planet because of our warrior blood."

"There ya go," Goku offered to Krillin. "Guess I'm just lucky like that."

"No kidding," Gohan agreed from Goku's other side. "Man... I'm half Saiyajin, and you look younger than me. I guess I'm just getting old, eh?"

"Hey, as long as you keep your youth where it counts," Krillin grinned slyly at Gohan before moving to Yamcha, causing both to chuckle lightly.

"Definitely!" Yamcha agreed adamantly.

Goku shook his head at his friends, though he was surprised to see Vegeta push off of his wall to say the same thing that he himself was thinking.

"Why is it that every time you fools meet at one of these pointless gatherings, the conversation always turns to sex?" Vegeta demanded in a disgusted tone, pointing his nose up slightly.

The unofficial leader of the Z team lifted an eyebrow curiously as he took a long draught from his bottle. Krillin and Gohan both smiled at each other good-naturedly at the snide inquiry, but Yamcha snorted righteously, nudging his human counterpart in the shoulder. "Hm, sounds like someone's jealous... maybe because they're too busy kissing their own ass to get any."

Goku nearly spewed his mouthful across the lot of them. Luckily he was able to swallow it without choking as he got ready to drop his drink so he could hold back the easily pissed-off prince. He almost fell over in shock when the older Saiyajin simply threw his mate's ex a shit-eating smirk rather than a fatal ki blast.

"Hn, I do not kiss and tell, ninjen." Vegeta's smirk grew fractionally as a wicked glint entered the obsidian orbs, landing squarely on the scowling human. "Besides, it would be rude to participate in such a conversation with your comrades, knowing that you would be left out simply because you have no tales of your own to contribute."

Four sets of eyes blinked several times in blatant disbelief at the self-satisfied Saiyajin prince.

Krillin leaned over to Goku, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. "Did I hear that right? Did Vegeta just crack a joke on Yamcha?"

Goku nodded dumbly before the trademark Son grin stole over his face. "I'll be damned, and it was a good one, too!" he proclaimed, laughing heartily, and it only took a moment after that for both Krillin and Gohan to join in.

Yamcha gaped at the group that were thoroughly enjoying themselves at his expense. "Yeah, very funny, guys," he grumbled before glaring daggers at the Saiyajin no Ouji. "I wouldn't get too smug if I were you, Vegeta," the man snapped. "I guarantee you that right now Bulma's in there with all the other wives telling of her own sexcapades, and a bunch of them aren't even about you."

"Ouch!" Krillin cried in his best announcer's voice. "And Yamcha comes back from the last blow with a nasty shot of his own."

"Sexcapades? What the hell is that? Surely you're not implying that my mate would be talking about YOU?" Vegeta questioned mockingly. One didn't have to be a genius to get the connotation of that word, though the eldest Saiyajin was unsure as to why the idiotic weakling would refer to such a thing.

The tall human gave his victim a predatory grin. Never moving his gaze, Yamcha tilted his head slightly. "No, I'm not talking about me, Vegeta." He let the sentence loom for a meaningful moment before continuing. "You don't really think we're the only men Bulma's been with, do you?"

"You know," Goku broke in nervously, "I think maybe we should talk about something else. Huh? C'mon guys, what d'ya say, eh?"

Vegeta waved his fellow full-blood's suggestion away with a contemptuous snarl. "No, kisama! The stupid human is the one that started this, and he will now damn sure explain himself!"

"Didn't Bulma tell you when you two got together that I wasn't her first?" Yamcha inquired in mock surprise. "No, I guess she wouldn't, under the circumstances..."

Krillin leaned in expectantly. "Wait, you know who the guy is?" When Yamcha nodded one, Krillin's eyes widened. "Well? Who was it? Do we know him?"

Yamcha chuckled sadistically. "Oh yeah, you guys know him, all right..."

Vegeta stared the scar-faced man down for several moments for his pathetic attempt to rile his royal temper with such idiocy when something in the back of his mind suddenly grabbed his attention. He blinked once in surprise, for there was no reason for his fellow Saiyajin to be powering up, and yet he was, albeit subtly. Well, well, Kakarotto, what have we here?"Who the fuck was it?" Vegeta growled, deciding to play the weak human's game out.

Goku, once again, tried his hand at damage control. "C'mon, 'Geta! Does it really matter who she was with before you two hooked up? I mean... it's history! Ancient history!"

Gohan, seeing the impending disaster, quickly backed his father up. "Otousan's right, Vegeta-sama," the eldest demi-Saiyajin agreed while trying to assuage the growing anger of the prince. "You-"

It didn't work. "Don't try to flatter me with formality, boy," the annoyed ouji commanded. "I want to know who it was, and I want to know now." He let his fierce midnight gaze burn through each of the members of the group. It was obvious that the little man was clueless, and it seemed the half-breed fit into that category as well. That left the bakayaro that was now leering in almost primitive delight, and Kakarotto, who was looking as though he was about to be ill.

Yamcha crossed his arms over his chest in true Vegeta-esque fashion and sneered. "Nah, I don't think you need to know who it was," he declared flatly. "I think it'll be a lot sweeter knowing that you're going nuts not knowing, that it's eating at you."

"Do you really think I'll let it go on so long?" the royal warrior retorted. "Kisama, if you won't tell me what I want to know, I'll just go to the source." Vegeta promptly turned on his heel and took two purposeful steps towards the small pink house.

"Yamero, Vegeta!"

Vegeta wasn't the only one to turn and stare. Everyone, save for a now much less smug Yamcha, was now regarding the savior of Chikyuu with curious gazes.

"Onegai, don't... don't go in there," Goku's heartfelt plea rang forth again.

Vegeta took his customary stony crossed-arm stance. "So, you know the one the ninjen spoke of?"

Goku swallowed nervously before nodding, a faint blush tinting his chiseled features. He turned to Yamcha and growled softly. "I'm gonna fucking kill you for this," he managed softly between clenched teeth.

"I... uh...," Yamcha floundered, looking for any sign of exaggeration in his friend's normally benevolent gaze and finding none, "oh, fuck me... oh shit... oh shit..."

Vegeta ignored the flustered human and directed his full attention instead to his fellow Saiyajin. "So? Who the fuck was it?"

Goku mumbled unintelligibly to the human ears and to Vegeta, who was standing away from them, but Gohan caught it. The man's jaw dropped open in unabashed shock and confusion. "Nani! Otousan... please tell me you didn't just say what I thought you just said."

Vegeta growled in barely-checked annoyance. "What the hell DID you say, Kakarotto? Speak up, baka!"

"It was me!" Goku choked out, his face going from rosy pink to blistering crimson at the public admission.

Wind blew gently through the trees. Water lapped playfully at the sandy shore. Seagulls crowed intermittently through the sun-kissed skies.

And the Saiyajin no Ouji started laughing.

The atypical sound finally broke the spell, and pandemonium ensued.

"You slept with Bulma!" Krillin cried. "You fucking bum! You never told me about that!"

Gohan was looking like a fish out of water, his mouth opening and closing several times before any sound came out. "You... oh Kami, 'tousan! I mean... with Bulma-san?"

"It was a long time ago!" Goku shouted over the pair that now bombarded him with questions. "I... I was young, and neither of us had been with anyone and... and... damn it, we swore we'd never breathe a word of it to anyone!"

Vegeta was howling with uncharacteristic peals of throaty laughter. "And you thought the onna actually could? Kakarotto, your stupidity never ceases to astonish me."

The sheer insanity of the whole situation, namely Vegeta's uncanny reaction, finally sank into the panicked warrior's mind, and Goku turned wide eyes to his prince. "Wait a damn minute... you knew?"

"Of course I did," Vegeta replied as he gasped for breath. Oh, if the stupid bastard could have seen his own face! Vegeta would have given his beloved gravity room for a camera. "You forget, baka, that my mate and I are bonded. I have access to all of her memories just as she does mine."

Goku rubbed a hand over his face. "Oh Kami, I forgot all about that!" Suddenly, the hand fell away unceremoniously as his brow furrowed. "Wait... you're not mad?"

"Why the hell would I care?"

"Well... I mean..." Goku began, "I dunno. It just seems like you'd have flipped out, especially since you pretty much hated me back when you and Bulma got together."

"Hn. First of all, I still hate you, Kakarotto." Vegeta shifted his weight as the muscles in his arms twitched slightly. "Secondly, I admit that I was a bit... disturbed... when I stumbled upon that particular remembrance the first time. The only reason I didn't hunt your sorry ass down was because of another memory that was associated with it."

Goku scratched the back of his head as he grinned in pure relief. "Uh, what memory was that?"

Vegeta turned an amused gaze to Yamcha. "It was the day he found out about it."

Yamcha's eyes bugged out. "Damn it, Vegeta, don't you dare..."

"It seems the onna made her displeasure of his sexual prowess known by blurting out that you had been better on your first time than he was after they had been bedding one another for years."

While Yamcha threw numerous curses towards a highly-amused Vegeta, Goku doubled over with hysterics. "Damn... bet that sucked!" he gasped out, holding his stomach tightly with one arm, carefully balancing his beer against the erratic shaking of his body with the other.

Krillin gaped for a moment. "Whoa, I need a double shot of whatever Vegeta's been drinking, cause he's on a roll today!" the smallest of the group declared good-naturedly. "If I didn't know better, I'd even think he's in a party mood."

"Hn," Vegeta quipped as the familiar smirk found its way back onto his thin lips, "why shouldn't I be? After all, the onna has made it quite clear since as to who the better of the three was."

"Any good comeback to that one, champ?" Krillin eyed Goku expectantly. He had known the man too long to think he didn't have a response to the derogatory statement. He and Goku had been trading insults all their lives; they were both as practiced in verbal sparring as they were martial arts.

Assured that the situation was no longer critical, Goku had resumed his easygoing persona. Broad shoulder's shrugged indifferently as he started to casually lift the previously forgotten drink to his lips. "What's there to say? I think it's great that Bulma favors Vegeta's sexual skills to those of a seventeen-year-old virgin who'd never even kissed a girl before he was with her."

This time it was Vegeta's turn to run through the red scale as his entire face went from golden tan to scarlet almost immediately.

But Son Goku wasn't finished yet as he clasped his second victim's shoulder firmly. "Too bad you can't say the same, eh Yamcha?"

"IT'S READY! COME AND GET IT!"

Goku grinned mischievously. "That's my cue." He trotted off enthusiastically, though the faint sound of laughter lingered along his path.

Having both been beaten at the game, Yamcha and Vegeta threw each other one last spiteful glare before both silently walked away, leaving Gohan and Krillin alone.

Gohan blinked several more times. "Man, that was... strange."

"Nah," Krillin replied, chuckling lightly. "You should know better than anyone that Goku never loses a battle."

-

The sound of companionable chit-chat echoed across the turtle hermit's lawn. Two long picnic tables with accompanying benches had been brought out, and both were laden with more food than most of the people on the planet would see in a month. Despite the quantity of provisions and the absence of several of the Z team, it took everything Bulma and Chichi could threaten to save enough for Trunks and Goten who had stayed behind at Capsule Corp. to finish a school project they were partnered on. In the end, the boys' desperate mothers had simply carted everything away, replacing it with the substantial contents in Master Roshi's bar while Juuhachi plugged in the stereo system. Strong drink and upbeat music flowed freely as old friends caught up on everything that had been going on with each other since the last times they had visited one another.

Of course, as everyone knew it would, soon the old troupe was ready to act like old times. Goku suggested sparring and the next thing the wives knew, the men were heading to the broadest section of the small island.

Juuhachi scowled. "Not so fast, Krillin!" Krillin skidded to a halt, effectively stopping the squad behind him. The tall blonde ex-android shook her head at the evident proof of the male persuasion's pack mentality. "You're not going anywhere," she stated flatly. "You need to watch Bra and Marron."

"Aw, c'mon Juuhachi," the vertically-challenged fighter pleaded.

"Forget it. I have to help with the massive mess you guys made, so now you need to get your ass over here and play with the girls!"

While Yamcha made comments under his breath about that kind of thing being the reason why he stayed single and Goku did his best imitation of the sounds of a whip being cracked, Vegeta snorted.

"It's your own fault for being weaker than your mate, baka."

Gohan was the only one not taking a jab at the man. "You know, I'll go and watch them," he offered helpfully.

Krillin sighed. "Nah, you go ahead and spar with your dad. I can't keep up with you Saiyajins anyhow," he admitted. "I'll catch you guys before you leave." With that, Krillin made his way back to take a seat between two excited little ladies who immediately placed a flowery scarf around his neck and a palm-sized teapot in his hand.

Gohan gulped at the sight of what he had almost gotten himself into while the other men had a good laugh at their helpless comrade.

And so it was that the women once again retreated to the confines of the kitchen, the men took their places doing what they loved doing most, and a totally sloshed Kami-sennin took a fresh bottle of liquor and one of his favorite hentai doujinshi to the bathroom to ogle the two-dimensional sex acts in peace.

And here is where the story _really_ begins.

-

Fifteen minutes later, Yamcha bowed out of the four-way fight. "I'm getting too old for this," he panted, cradling his sore jaw in his hand.

Goku wiped the perspiration from his brow with his forearm. "You sure you're okay, man?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Kami, Goku, that was a cheap shot, though."

Goku grinned. "Consider that payback for the shit you pulled earlier, you loudmouth bastard."

"Fuck you," Yamcha shot back, a similar smile breaking free before his mouth protested and twisted into a strained wince.

Gohan chuckled. "Hey 'tousan, I think you've had a bit too much to drink. I haven't heard you cuss like that since you fought Buu."

"Nah, I'm not even buzzing. I've just been sparring with Vegeta too much. He's a bad influence on my impressionable mind."

Vegeta barked out a sarcastic snicker towards the taller Saiyajin. "Don't think to blame it on me, kisama. You were warped long before I had the displeasure of your acquaintance."

"He's got a point," Yamcha added with a nod.

Goku rolled his eyes playfully. "Whatever. Can you at least pretend to agree with me? I have a reputation to keep, ya know," he stated, cocking his head towards his son.

"No need," Gohan dismissed with a smirk. "We spent all that time in the hyperbolic time chamber when I was a kid, remember? Aside from the whole 'sleeping with mom's best friend' thing, I don't think you could surprise me."

Goku hissed through clenched teeth. "Yeah, about that..."

"I won't say a word to 'kaasan," Gohan finished. "I'm not ready for you to die for your third time just yet. There is one condition," the demi-Saiyajin added, black eyes gleaming. Goku's eyebrows rose in silent assent to continue. "Tell me, just how did you end up having sex with Bulma-san in the first place?"

Goku considered for a moment while he used the front of his shirt to wipe his face quickly. He shrugged. "The short version is that she seduced me."

"Seriously? Are you sure about that? I mean... she seduced a seventeen-year-old kid? But she would have been," Gohan raised his eyes to the sky as he quickly did the math, "hell, in her mid-twenties!"

Goku nodded. "Vegeta said he's seen her memories, so he should know. Ask him."

"Fucking onore! Like I really want to think about that again!" Vegeta growled in agitation. Then he blinked. "Wait... Kakarotto, you were a teenager?" the smaller man queried sharply. Goku let his silence speak for him, and Vegeta sighed wearily. "Oh, for the love of Kami, Onna..."

"Aw, c'mon, you guys act like Bulma and I were shagging on the top bunk with my parents in the next room," Goku stated before turning to Gohan. "Sound familiar?"

Gohan coughed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "No."

"That's right. You didn't have bunk beds." Goku snickered triumphantly when Gohan's entire face went beet red.

Yamcha finally spoke up. "Okay, that settles it. The whole lot of us are totally hammered. Have you been listening to yourselves? Even Vegeta seems loosened up!"

Vegeta scowled. "I do not get "hammered," ninjen."

Goku nodded. "Yeah, I mean, I feel fine. Well, except..."

Yamcha and Gohan both raised an eyebrow. Gohan stepped forward. "What is it, 'tousan?"

"Well," he began as he pinched the fabric of his hunter green t-shirt and watched as the cloth peeled heavily from his chest at his gentle tug, "is it just me, or is it really, really hot out here?"

Gohan's brow knit together before he repeated his father's action. "You know, now that you mention it..."

"See, told ya," Yamcha interjected. "I feel like I'm baking, too! We don't need to be sparring. Too much chance we'll hurt each other when we're drunk."

Vegeta grimaced. "No, Kakarotto's right. I'm perfectly sober, but it feels as though it is sweltering out here."

"I don't see why," Gohan noted as he looked at the slowly setting sun. "It was mild earlier, and now that the sun's going down, it should be even more so. So why is it getting hotter?"

Goku shrugged. "Maybe cause we've been working out?"

Vegeta shook his head immediately. "We have been inactive for long enough that we should be cooling down by now. There is no reason for us to feel like this..."

"It can't have been that long," Goku argued. "Hell, my heart hasn't even slowed down! I feel like we just stopped a second ago."

"As do I," Vegeta admitted slowly, his brow creasing, "but I am sure we have not thrown so much as a punch for approximately ten minutes."

Yamcha rolled his eyes sarcastically. "You know, just because you guys are 'the mighty Saiyajin race' and all doesn't mean you're above suffering from a good ole' fashioned buzz." With that, the indignant human got to his feet and brushed his rear off. "You guys stay out here if you want. I'm going to lounge in the air conditioning." With that, the former desert bandit left the group to retreat inside.

Vegeta snorted derisively. "Fucking baka can't even sense when his opponents are drunk or not."

"Be nice, Vegeta," Goku scolded lightly, earning a huff from the diminutive prince. "You've got to admit that it's kinda strange that we're all out here on a cool night feeling like we're in a frying pan. I mean, you should see yourself."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're all flushed," Goku explained, "and I haven't seen you sweat like that since you were trying to become a Super Saiyajin and training under three-hundred times normal gravity."

Vegeta was about to snap at the fool for such an idiotic statement when he realized that the man was actually quite right. Now that he was paying attention to it, he could feel drops of perspiration that ran down the sides of his face and the rivulets that followed along the contours of his back and stomach alike. "Nani? What the fuck is going on?"

Gohan looked thoughtful. "Sometimes fever is the warning stage of food poisoning," he stated after an anxious moment. "Do either of you feel ill at all?" Both full-bloods signaled a negative. "We should probably go inside anyway, just in case," he decided. "Truth is neither of you look all that great right now, and if there was a problem with something we ate, we'll be the most affected due to the quantity we consume compared to everyone else."

Vegeta nodded curtly in agreement. "The boy's right. I'll go find the onna and see if she can find something to help counteract any possible illness."

"And I'll go see if Videl can remember if there was anything that they might have used that would make us sick."

Goku seemed to consider for a moment before he spoke. "You guys go ahead, and if you find anything out, lemme know. I think I'm gonna take a swim real quick and see if it helps cool me down any. I'll catch up in a minute." Gohan nodded and made his way back to the house, but Vegeta remained for another moment, causing Goku to raise his eyebrows in silent question.

"You do realize that if you suddenly become ill while you're swimming and pass out, I will let you drown."

"Aw," Goku cooed sweetly as he removed his t-shirt and tossed it to the ground, "is that how the high-and-mighty Saiyajin no Ouji tries to say that he's worried about a mere third-class baka like me?"

Vegeta's eyes became pinpricks of onyx annoyance. "Feh, like I would give a damn about your low-level hide. I just don't feel like trying to convince the half-breed to fight with me if you get yourself killed." Despite the harsh words, the proud man didn't move from his spot.

Goku gave his prince an honestly grateful smile. "I appreciate your concern, Vegeta. Don't worry, I'll be careful." Vegeta raised an eyebrow ever so slightly before giving a curt nod and walking away.

Goku shook his head once, never ceasing to be amazed by the unique methods of communicating he and the only other true member of his race left alive had developed over the years. With great anticipation, he stripped off his black gi pants, leaving him clad only in his black boxers before running against the incoming tide and diving into the near-freezing seawater.

-

_Meanwhile, in the kitchen..._

The women were all doing various tasks to repair the damage made by the large group. Chichi and Videl busied themselves with washing the dishes, Juuhachi used her enhanced speed to keep up with the drying while Bulma would go between putting the various items in the cabinets and cleaning counters and appliances.

"Is the air conditioner broken or something?" Bulma asked finally, running a hand through her now sticky blue hair. "I'm roasting over here!"

Juuhachi shook her head. "I didn't think so, but who knows? It's not like the old perv does any kind of preventative maintenance on this place or anything."

"I can imagine not," Videl added from her place at the sink. "Does he do anything aside from look at those disgusting magazines?"

"Yeah, he stinks up the bathroom," Juuhachi answered dryly.

Chichi grimaced. "How do you stand it?"

"Krillin likes being here," the lovely blonde explained, "and Marron adores him. I don't have the... heart... to make them leave knowing that."

"Well, if someone doesn't at least get a fan going or something, I'm going to leave!" Bulma groaned, fanning herself furiously.

"You know, it really is way too hot in here," Videl agreed, stepping away from the dishwater to wipe her hand across her sweat-dampened features.

Juuhachi put down her dishtowel. "Hold on, I'll check the thermostat."

Bulma turned to regard Juuhachi. "You guys have any box fans around here? It'll cool down quicker if we have some air circulation."

"Yeah, I think there's one on the back porch," Juuhachi replied after a moment.

"Alright, I'm gonna go get it," Bulma stated before turning to Chichi. "We'll be right back."

Chichi nodded once as the two walked away. Then her coal black gaze fell on her daughter-in-law. "You know, Videl, you're really flushed. Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Videl answered, though a bit more breathlessly than she normally would. "I guess the heat's really getting to me."

"Well, we've done most of the dishes," Chichi stated as she eyed the small pile of soiled plates and forks left. "I can do the rest of these by myself. Why don't you go and get some fresh air? Or maybe you should find Gohan and see if he thinks you have a fever?"

Videl considered for a moment before nodding. "Fresh air sounds really good." She dried her hands quickly and walked to the door. "I'll be right back."

Chichi smiled at the younger woman. "Alright."

-

_And so it begins..._

Yamcha grumbled under his breath. It wasn't any cooler inside the house than it was outside! "Maybe I'll just stick my head in the freezer," he mused with a sardonic huff, "or at least grab another beer."

He got up slowly and glanced down the hallway briefly before heading to the entryway directly across from where he stood. He could hear the periodic clunking of dishes, and he debated for only a second whether he should go in there. After all, going into a room full of the Z wives was like going into a lion's den as far as he was concerned. The last thing he needed was Bulma and Chichi inquiring about his love life and any possibility the longtime bachelor was ready to 'settle down', as they put it.

His indecision was quickly pushed aside. First of all, he could only feel one ki in there. Just one - that he could probably handle. It was when the women worked as a team more efficient than that of their significant others that proved problematic. Then there was the fact that he was feeling more and more like he was suffocating as the temperature seemed to rise to combine with the natural humidity of the island air. Most would have thought he could handle a little heat. Of course, the ex-bandit was a desert boy at heart, and he would be the first to tell anyone that there's a significant different between the thin, dry heat of the desert compared to the oppressively heavy, moisture-rich air of the seaside retreat.

Mind made up, he strode quickly into the small kitchen and tried to keep from drawing attention to himself as he opened the refrigerator; he silently thanked Dende when he was even able to grab the tall brown bottle without making a sound. He allowed the door to stay open for longer than normal, sighing gratefully as the cool air came to greet his heated flesh before figuring he would be pressing his luck to remain any longer. He closed the door softly before straightening himself out and turning to leave, his eyes grazing momentarily over a slightly swaying backside hovering in front of the sink, the owner humming softly to herself.

His gaze quickly darted back and locked on.

The warmth of the room suddenly tripled in intensity as a haze came over the immobilized man's mind. All he could focus on was the slow, languid movements of the thin figure moving in time to the tune she sang under her breath, the creamy white skin glistening with both sweat and dishwater to highlight the definition of her toned arms. The normally loose-fitting outfit she always donned was now soaked through and clung to her impressively shapely form in the most unbelievably seductive manner he was sure he had ever witnessed. Realizing he had been holding his breath, he let it out raggedly.

The lovely vision turned swiftly to regard the intruder.

"Oh, it's you, Yamcha..." Chichi stated softly, a light blush finding its way onto her already pink cheeks as she realized that she had no idea how long he had been watching her. She blinked several times, noting his loose jaw combined with intense black eyes. "Yamcha?" she questioned tentatively. "Are-are you alright?" The tall warrior nodded dumbly, his gaze never wavering, and the strange reaction made the startled woman suddenly wish she had a large tub of ice water to jump in. Oh _Kami! What's wrong with me?_ she asked herself in shock at the butterflies that sprung to life in her stomach. "Um... do you need something?"

Yamcha licked his suddenly parched lips. When the hell did Chichi become so... so... _sexy_? His rational mind was shoved aside as he took several deliberate steps towards the unsettled female before him. "Hai, I do..."

Chichi was finding herself in a similar predicament as her normally razor-sharp tongue felt like lead, making her unable to spit out anything aside from a soft moan at the warrior's approach. Her own inky orbs didn't seem to have that problem as they swept over the muscular form, noting the curves and dips that were much milder, much smoother than what she was used to seeing. For some reason, it only made him more alluring in her cloudy mind. Strong, powerful, but not overly so to the point that he would have to hold anything back if they...

"Y-Yamcha..." she stuttered, a thin ray of sanity shining through the muck once he was within an inch of her, "wha-what are you-"

"Have I ever told you," Yamcha whispered as his hand moved to trace the delicate jaw line, "how unbelievably beautiful you are?" His fingers continued their journey as they moved from her face to the back of her head. With a flick, the clip that had been holding her ebony locks clattered to the floor, letting her thick hair fall loosely down her shoulders and back. "Especially like this," he breathed huskily, running his fingers through the supple strands.

Chichi shuddered involuntarily at the bold advance. The flame within her became a full-fledged forest fire as his attentive fingers moved from her hair to trace the contours of her throat, tracing light circles. "I... oh Kami... Yamcha..."

Immediately the man pulled her roughly against him, their mouths clashing desperately, their tongues both reaching to battle against one another.

-

_All the while..._

Gohan walked towards the little cottage, turning to the front porch only to stop short. His keen ears immediately picked up the animated conversation.

"Daddy, we need another person to play the daddy!" Marron pleaded.

"Why don't we pretend the mommy's shopping, and I'll be the daddy instead?" Krillin offered quickly.

Bra chuckled. "No, Krillin-san! You're too short to be the daddy, silly!"

Krillin groaned in defeat, submitting to the will of his captors.Okay, maybe I'll use the back door. Gohan rushed out of the chatting girls' line of sight, giving a relieved sigh when he was not spotted, and he continued on his way to the opposite side of the house to make as unobtrusive an entrance as possible. Wiping away the annoying beads of sweat that were stinging his eyes with his forearm, Gohan didn't realize once he reached the porch that anyone else was there.

Bulma had given up finding the fan, but had been delighted when she realized that the small screened-in porch was where the coolers had been moved to after the drinks were all served. Luckily there was still a great deal of ice still in them, and she had grabbed a handful and began rubbing herself down to fight off the unexplained heat wave. She ran the soothing shards over her face and neck and even unbuttoned her top by two to drip the water from the melting gems between her breasts and down her stomach. She sighed happily as she dug for her third batch of icy relief, and from her crouching position, she didn't notice Gohan walking blindly towards her until she moved to stand up.

A second later, he was right on top of her. Literally.

She instinctively wrapped an arm around his neck while he, certain she would be crushed under his considerable weight, looped an arm around her waist and immediately called on his ki to break their fall. With only inches to spare, the pair came to a slow halt just above the unforgiving wooden floor.

Gohan braced himself with his free arm and took in a deep, relieved breath. As soon as the air came through his nostrils, his mind went into a tail-spin as a huge fog settled over his rational thought process. He closed his eyes tightly against the strange sensation, gritting his teeth and breathing deeply once again to steady himself. Unfortunately, that only made his problem worse as Bulma's scent bombarded his senses and made his body temperature skyrocket.

"Gohan?" came the airy call from below him.

Gohan dared a peek and nearly lost his balance. There was Bulma, her face looming just inches from his, her erratic breaths grazing his heated skin, playing havoc on every nerve in his body. It was then he realized that he was still holding her firmly by the waist. Of course, he also noted with some interest that she had not released her grasp on him, either, and he had to force himself to swallow against the sudden tightness in his throat. "Gomen, Bulma-san. Are you alright?"

Bulma was caught up in her own clouded world, so it took a moment for her to force her attention away from the feel of his rigid body pressed against hers and the sensuous movement of his lips to realize that he was actually asking her something. "Oh yeah, I'm fine," she answered silkily as she stretched in a rather cat-like fashion, grinning ever so slightly when the minor movement brought on a rather considerable reaction. Gohan immediately clenched his jaw tightly and hissed through his teeth, all the while rocking subtly back into her. The smile grew slightly wider. "I found some ice," she continued softly, holding up the pieces that hadn't escaped her grasp during the fall in between their faces. "I couldn't help myself since it was so hot in the house."

Gohan nodded dumbly. "It seems pretty damn hot out here, too," he remarked gruffly and without thought to the meaning the blue-haired beauty beneath him might take from it.

"Well, maybe this will help." Bulma brought a cube of ice to her fingertips and touched it to Gohan's chin, running a long line down his throat and finally to the opening of his shirt to caress his chest teasingly.

Gohan's entire body lit up at the contradictory feel of refreshing coolness against painfully heated flesh, and a low growl escaped his painfully clamped-down jaw. Bulma continued the sweet torture along every inch of his exposed body until the ice cube was nothing more than cold water in her hands, though that didn't stop her ministrations. Instead, she let the now cooled palm of her hand run over the increasingly aroused demi-Saiyajin's skin. After several long moments, Bulma finally pulled her fingers back, only to produce a devilish smirk accompanied by another small ice cube.

Gohan let his gaze follow the path her hand traveled as she took it and began trailing the glittering piece of ice down her own neck before bringing it back up, running it along her lips.

"You know," she whispered, "I'm still feeling a bit... feverish, and you look like you're not faring much better. And this," she went on, waving the small nugget in front of his face, "is the only one I have left."

Gohan raised an eyebrow. "Then it seems we have a predicament on our hands. What do you propose we do about it?" he questioned smoothly as his fiery gaze held hers with passionate intensity.

"I think there's really only one thing we can do," Bulma replied huskily. "We'll just have to share." And with that, Bulma placed the ice cube between her supple lips and pulled herself forward.

Gohan didn't have to be given the invitation twice.

-

_While on the other side of the house..._

"Damn it, why the hell didn't I get Bulma to look at this thing," Juuhachi groaned under her breath. "I'm not the engineer around here."

Still, Juuhachi did have a decent understanding of mechanics in general, and by her initial observation, she could find absolutely nothing wrong with the air conditioner or the thermostat. She had even gone so far as to check the vents in the living room, only to find that they were blowing air, though due to her increased body temperature, she was unable to properly gauge if the air was as cold as it should have been. With that proving useless, as well as noting that the thermostat read seventy degrees, she had decided that there was something internally wrong with the little box on the wall and had gone to the utility closet for a screwdriver. As soon as she returned, she let her lithe fingers work out the tiny screws of the box cover to reveal whatever was going on within the thing.

Vegeta was cursing in several various languages as he made his way towards the old hentai's domicile. Above all else except perhaps Kakarotto, Vegeta despised feeling dirty, and at that particular moment he felt downright vile as every article of clothing seemed pasted to his skin. He resolved to find the onna, figure out what the hell they had done to try and kill everyone at the party, and go home so he could bathe himself thoroughly. The colder he could make the shower, the better, he added silently.

He passed his daughter and her ongoing tea party with a great deal of satisfaction, noting to the weakling, Krillin, that he looked positively ridiculous in his matronly get-up. Served the fool right. He was, however, forced to bite off the rest of his commentary on the situation when the miniature of Bulma had thrown him a truly Saiyajin glare before informing him that the ninjen made a wonderful mommy. The princess had spoken, so with a roll of his eyes, he chose to ignore the group altogether in favor of less hostile company - namely, his mate.Hn, less hostile my ass, but at least I can get a great deal of satisfaction out of fighting with her.

For some reason, that single thought made the already thick air around him that much heavier and gave him a feeling quite similar to a head rush. He blinked once, twice, and then a third time before realizing that his brain had somehow found its way straight into the proverbial gutter as he imagined he and his stubborn partner arguing until they were both so hoarse they were barely able to speak before dragging each other to their bedroom. Whenever that could be accomplished, it always led to the most memorable of nights... and quite often, the following mornings as well. With a plot forming in his mind consisting of finding the blue-eyed beauty and immediately insulting her on her appearance, Vegeta moved with renewed vigor into the house.

His gaze scanned purposefully over the small sitting area before falling onto the form of one of the few people on all of Chikyuu he sincerely despised. His pride still screamed at him any time he saw the golden-haired minx, reminding him of his bitter defeat at her hands back in the days when she had proven to be one of his and his future son's most deadly enemies. Even now, years later and after much pleading from his family and friends, he would normally have rather blasted her to HFIL than speak a single word to her. Normally.

Of course, when midnight orbs locked onto the hunched figure of the devilishly attractive humanoid, talking was the furthest thing from the ouji's mind.

She was in the process of fisting her fine blonde hair in frustration while pale azure eyes scanned the internal workings of the offending piece of junk in front of her when she suddenly noticed, or more accurately, felt an intense gaze lingering on her back. Usually the former android's first instinct in such a situation would be to turn immediately and tell whoever seemed so damned interested to take a hike under threat of an unprecedented ass-beating, but this time proved to be a grand exception. Juuhachi found herself reveling in the feeling of eyes that she knew without visual confirmation were slowly and quite thoroughly raking over every square inch of her body. She suppressed the urge to shiver visibly, biting the inside of her lip hard enough to draw blood; she wasn't ready to alert the figure to the fact that she knew she was being watched. She stayed that way for several tense moments until she couldn't take it anymore. Who the hell was it that was behind her, and how were they able to so easily shake her to the very heart of her being by their mere presence within the same room?

Her eyes widened slightly as realization sunk in. It was almost too unbelievable... but there was no one else that sported such a powerfully dominating, albeit maddeningly arrogant, charisma. Bulma's earlier commentary flashed through the woman's mind, and she smiled slightly in wicked anticipation. Making a seductive display of turning around to face him, Juuhachi twisted her lithe body with feline grace so that all of her best physical assets were prominent at constant intervals before landing her exotic eyes to engage his as she leaned casually against the wall.

To his credit, Vegeta managed to stay relatively poised throughout, standing rigidly against the opposite wall, his arms crossed and his fingers digging painfully into each bicep. Still, had a casual observer seen him, they would have known the man was definitely fighting a losing battle between pride and lust. Not only were his unblinking eyes being teased mercilessly by the shapely female, but the onna's scent had, within a fraction of a second, gone from normal to a twisted combination of slightly combative and heavily aroused - a natural aphrodisiac for any Saiyajin, even under normal circumstances. It was so potent, in fact, that the ouji could taste the bittersweet flavor lingering on the back of his tongue, making his royal blood race in ways he rarely experienced away from the battlefield. It took every ounce of self-control he could muster to hold onto the increasingly tenuous barrier that separated his befuddled brain's command to stay the hell away from the exquisitely deceptive creature and his body's painful demand to pin her roughly against the wall she reclined against and engage in a much more gratifying form of combat than their last had been.

Silence ensued as the rivals held one another firmly under a spell of almost tangible desire. Each drank in every detail of the other as if to see who would buckle first under the erotic scrutiny. As he had done countless times before, the Saiyajin prince proved to be a true testament to sheer force of will and stamina, and Juuhachi finally cracked.

"Are we just going to sit here and stare all night, or are we going to get this show on the road?"

The man smirked viciously before blurring into nothingness, only to reappear within an inch of her a nanosecond later, throwing the flaxen-haired warrior against the cool sheetrock with enough force that she felt the semi-soft surface give way beneath her. Not that she cared. She was entirely too preoccupied by the deliciously frenzied attentions of the man that held her captive to give a shit about a stupid wall.

As for Vegeta, his last rational thought was that the woman was lucky her creator made his machines damn near indestructible. She was going to need it.

-

_Like that wasn't enough already, yes, there's more..._

As soon as Videl left through the kitchen door, she made a beeline for the water only yards away. She felt like she was being incinerated from the inside out, so instead of immediately going after her husband, she chose to seek a measure of temporary relief first. Thankful for her foresight that morning when she decided to wear her bikini beneath her clothes, she pulled her tank top over her head and tossed it to the sandy beach so the ocean air could, with any luck, cool her down better, though it quickly became apparent that it wasn't going to work out that way. As a matter of fact, every gentle breeze that skimmed her hypersensitive flesh only made her discomfort that much worse as her nerves danced with increased fervor at the slightest contact.

"Damn it," she cursed softly as she unconsciously pushed away several strands of raven hair that were sticking to her forehead and cheeks. "This is insane! There's no way-"

Her monologue was cut short as something caught her attention. Her brow furrowed curiously as she watched something that looked like a cross between a shark's fin and possibly one of Marron's water toys weave and bob every once in a while among the waves a little way from where she stood on the shoreline.

"What the hell is that?" she asked under her breath as something splashed close to the unknown object. Her curiosity was piqued even more when a light cream color materialized just below the surface of the deep green water before disappearing, leaving only the black protrusion within her sight once again. Before her mind registered what she was doing, Videl had slipped off her sandals and the cut-off shorts she was wearing and began wading into the water to investigate.

Five steps into her questing trek, Videl stopped in her tracks. What she was seeing wasn't a what, it was a who, she realized as the single spike became several and a man's face surfaced to take a deep breath. She felt like an idiot for not noticing sooner; it was rather presumptuous to assume she'd be the only one with the grand idea of taking a dip to help fight against the unforeseen and equally inexplicable heat wave. She opened her mouth in greeting, but when she did, nothing came out. Her lips came back together slowly, and her vivid blue eyes simply watched as though magnetically drawn to the figure who was presently on his back, his eyes closed and every muscle totally relaxed as he floated as though asleep, barely hovering along the surface of the breaking waters. Had anyone been there to see it, they would have immediately recognized the playfully predatory gleam that ignited within the normally subdued female fighter's eyes. Good Kami-sama, he was so tempting... so unbelievably alluring in his unguarded position...

He was so about to get his ass splashed.

Goku had stayed almost constantly submerged since jumping into the chilly tide in hopes that it would somehow bleed the searing heat from under his skin. Thankfully, after several long minutes and much fighting with his brain's first reaction to jump away from the near-painful sensation the frigid water caused, it had seemed to finally be doing the trick, if only a little. He no longer felt like he was being roasted on a barbecue grill; now it was more like he was sitting in a warmer-than-normal sauna. He didn't care that it was still too damned hot, any relief was welcomed and embraced wholeheartedly. Still underwater and feeling marginally better, he simply let the air out of his lungs slowly as he coaxed himself to the surface, allowing his face and the top of his chest and legs to break forth and brave the early evening air. For one blessed moment, he almost felt back to normal, and he sighed inaudibly as he drifted loosely with the waves.

Then a subtle breeze blew from the direction of the shore, and though he managed to give no outward sign, he immediately sensed that someone was watching him. Whatever progress had been previously made to cool down went straight to hell as the distinctly female aroma - I'll be damned, I think that's Videl - threw his entire consciousness into a strange, primal, miasma. Saiyajin instinct replaced human rationality as he quickly confirmed the identity of his prey. The lovely human was indeed spying on him from only a few feet away, and, unluckily for her, wasn't able to hide the fact that she was about to pounce on him due to her increasingly close proximity. He suppressed his natural inclination to chuckle by allowing himself an almost imperceptible smirk.

The hunter was about to become the hunted.

Videl was now in water that almost reached her shoulders, and she dropped another few inches until her chin was just barely skimming the surface as she observed her unwitting victim only a few feet away. Perfect. With a broad, victorious grin, Videl cupped both of her hands and lunged them forward, taking a great amount of the salty sea and sending it tidal-wave style straight at the man's head...

And hit nothing but air and ocean as her intended target suddenly fazed out before her astonished eyes.

Videl jerked up. Hey! Where'd he-Mind and body froze as a firm masculine physique leaned lightly against her back while relaxed breaths teased her neck and ear.

"You missed me," came the softly purred observation from behind.

Videl's knees almost betrayed her when the simple action sent tendrils of burning desire through every square millimeter of her slender form. He wasn't finished, either; her breaths became shallow gasps and pants as the torture continued. He slowly rose to full height while strong, yet infinitely gentle hands fell softly onto her shoulders and adventured meticulously down the planes of her back beneath the water until finally coming to rest on her hips, his fingertips tracing small patterns against the narrow strips of smooth material that held the bikini bottoms in place. Oh Kami, she just knew if she looked down, she would see steam rising off of her skin where water was unfortunate enough to touch it. If it was his intentional contact that led her right to the edge, it was the involuntary that threw her over it. He rocked himself against her, and she moaned quietly when his arousal - something that should not have been possible considering the temperature of the water they were in - pressed invitingly against her lower back

With only a sound that Goku would have best likened to a growl to warn him, Videl twisted in the taller man's lenient grasp, earning her a sharp intake of breath from above. Once facing him, her arms immediately twined around his corded neck, one hand weaving a path into damp ebony spikes. She used her grip to both pull him down and her up until their noses touched and passion-glazed sapphire locked onto lust-filled obsidian.

"I promise you, this time I won't miss."

-

_Two hours later..._

"Man, I hope they left us some food," Goten commented as he and his lifelong friend touched down on the front lawn of Kami House. "We're getting here a lot later than we said we would."

Trunks shrugged. "You know, chibi, you should probably be more worried with how pissed your 'kaasan's gonna be about you being late than about food." Even in the darkness, the lavender-haired youth could see the color drain from his best friend's face as the boy swallowed audibly. "I was kidding, Goten. Jeez," he drawled teasingly.

Goten shoved his hands deeply into the pockets of his faded blue jeans. "Are you sure? I mean... if my mom is mad..."

"Then she'd already be out here screaming her head off," Trunks concluded. "Trust me, if we've made it this far with our eardrums intact, we're safe."

The demi-Saiyajin seemed to consider the logic for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I am. Now c'mon," Trunks prompted as he took the four steps that led to the front porch in one jump, "let's get something to eat. I'm starving!"

"Me too!" Goten's brow furrowed for a moment. "My mom's still in the kitchen," he stated in slight confusion, "and she's with someone else, but it's not 'tousan."

"Yeah, I sense my 'kaasan's on the back porch," Trunks added. "I'm gonna go explain to my mom why we're late. You go get our plates." Goten nodded and made his way into the darkened house as Trunks went around to the back.

Moments later, two crimson-faced teenage demi-Saiyajins were right back where they landed. The look on the other's face told each of them that they had found their respective parents in similarly compromising positions.

Goten was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. "Uh... Trunks-kun?"

"Yeah, chibi?"

"I didn't know our parents where swingers," the raven-haired youth stated softly. "Did you?"

Trunks' scowled slightly. "No, I didn't. Guess you learn something new everyday."

The boys shuffled awkwardly for another moment before Trunks cleared his throat again.

"Pizza?"

Goten nodded quickly. "Yeah."

-

_The next morning..._

Chaos. Utter and complete chaos.

It was the only way to describe the mass of cursing, spitting, slugging and screaming that ensued as the new day's sun peeked over the horizon.

After a semblance of order had been restored some time later, the guilty group of eight stood in the old man's living room, all wearing various expressions ranging from embarrassment to fear to outright disgust. No one would brave looking up and catching the eye of anyone else, and soon the tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a ki blade. It was the scene that Krillin walked into.

Rubbing his bleary eyes while toting two chipper, giggling girls, he noticed off the bat that something was seriously wrong. "Uh, hey guys," he ventured after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

Various mumbles answered him, making him even more curious as to what in the world was going on. He looked at each person individually, studying them. He went first to his oldest and dearest friend and was shocked to find that the normally happy-go-lucky warrior was looking downright miserable. Chichi, it seemed, wasn't much better off. Vegeta looked like he was about to blow something up, while Bulma was standing cross-armed and turned away from her prince. Gohan and Videl both looked as though they felt sick, and Yamcha was simply shuffling every so often, toeing the carpet with the tip of his shoe. He turned to find his own wife sitting on the sofa, her normally bland expression firmly in place, though her eyes were pointed toward an interesting spot on the far wall. All of them were in various states of disarray, their hair and clothes all disheveled as though they had either slept in them or rushed to put them on. He shook his head. What in Kami's name was going on?

It was the little blue-haired girl that had run into her father's arms immediately upon seeing him that shed some light on the situation.

Bra bounced against Vegeta's grasp. "What's wrong? Aren't you happy, 'tousan?" she questioned innocently.

Vegeta's angry scowl deepened considerably. "No, princess. I'm not."

The chubby face glowered before turning an accusatory glare to her blonde-haired partner. "Marron, it didn't work!"

Marron shrugged from her mother's lap. "I don't know what happened, Bra-chan. I guess-"

"What are you talking about?" Vegeta interrupted coldly, bringing his daughter's attention back to him.

"The mushrooms," Bra replied matter-of-factly.

"Nani? What mushrooms?"

Marron spoke up. "Well, while Bra and I were playing, she found Kami-sennin's spotted mushrooms in the garden, and so we picked some and brought them to the kitchen."

Krillin choked. "Wait... you mean the purple-spotted mushrooms?" Marron nodded.

"What are you bakas talking about?" Vegeta demanded impatiently.

All eyes were suddenly brought to Juuhachi as her soft, throaty laughter filled the room. "Oh Kami," she muttered between gasps, "Oh Kami, that explains a lot..."

"Explains what, Juuhachi?" Krillin demanded. "What the hell is going on, you guys?"

Juuhachi sat her daughter onto the couch before standing to face the group. "Those mushrooms the girls picked have something in them that's a natural aphrodisiac," she explained, noting with some satisfaction the open mouths and widened eyes at the implication. "By themselves, they are potent, but not overly so. But," she paused for effect, "when mixed with alcohol... Well, let's just say it wouldn't be implausible for someone who's had the combination of the two to be unable to control themselves around the first person they happened to stumble onto."

Chichi gasped. "Wait! The sauteed mushrooms we made..." she breathed raggedly.

Juuhachi nodded. "I remember thinking that I hadn't bought any for us to cook with, but I didn't consider it any further until now."

"So what you're saying is that we unknowingly loaded ourselves full of some concentrated sex-drive inducers that made it so we would jump the first person that crossed our path once it was in our systems?" Bulma questioned in disbelief.

Juuhachi nodded once again before Krillin disrupted the conversation. "No way! You guys..." A broad, knowing grin took over his features. "No wonder you guys all look so rough this morning! Man, am I glad I brought the kids in when I did," he went on, missing the odd looks that were directed his way. "Wouldn't want them walking in on you guys... ya know... all over the house!" Then his smile turned down as he looked at his wife. "Hey babe, I saw you eating them. What'd you do?"

"I handled it."

"Oh, alright, but you shoulda come and got me," the little man whined jokingly, earning him a crooked smirk from his stoic mate and an indignant huff from the fuming ouji that he thankfully didn't notice.

"Well, in that case, I guess we better go," Goku piped up suddenly, wrapping an arm around Chichi's waist. "We... uh... had fun," he risked. He received several snorts and sighs from his friends at the comment.

"Yeah, I guess you guys had a busy night." Then the man turned to Yamcha and regarded him curiously. "So what'd you do while they were all doing their thing?"

Yamcha's eyes widened considerably at the question. "What... what do you mean? I didn't do anything! I... I..."

"Well, you and me are the only ones allergic to mushrooms, so I-"

Chichi gaped. "Nani!"

Everything came to screeching halt as a deep, menacing growl filled the room. Chichi's midnight eyes became big as saucers, and she immediately spun around.

"Goku?"

The normally benign Saiyajin was looking anything but at that moment, his teeth bared in a fierce snarl and his narrowed onyx eyes glaring daggers at the now cowering human across from him.

Yamcha took a step back. "Hey... uh... c'mon Goku... I... uh..." he stammered as he subtly turned towards the door.

"You've got ten seconds."

The fact that Goku had the ability to move over great distances at the speed of light didn't register as the scarred man fled for his life, leaving a startled bunch behind him. True to his word, Goku put two fingers to his forehead shortly thereafter, despite his wife's fervent pleas not to, and disappeared. As soon as he left, Bulma and Videl both spun on their husbands. Gohan, looking quite terrified, didn't have to be asked before he made chase to hopefully calm his raging father down, while Vegeta stated he would go, if only to see the overgrown bastard actually act like the Saiyajin he was for once in his life.

With their men gone, the women were quick to follow for no other reason than they couldn't stand to be in the same room at the moment, though they promised before going their separate ways to meet in a few weeks to discuss. Gossip was still gossip, after all.

Krillin's now completely stupefied gaze moved back to Juuhachi, who simply shook her head in return.

"Don't ask."

-

Down the hall, the old man was drooling with perverse anticipation. From what he had just overheard, those video cameras he had spent so much time meticulously scattering throughout the house, as well as around different sections of the island, were going to provide a whole lot more entertainment than he ever imagined...

And with his imagination, _that_ was saying something.

**_- The End -_**


End file.
